It’s the inaugural “That’s So Stupid!” column, in which we define the especially irksome aspects of life that are pissing us off (in no particular order).

  1. Mooshing nouns and pronouns! The celebrity nicknames (i.e. Brangelina) were bad enough, but now the trend is spreading from pronouns to nouns at an alarming rate.  Care to take in a freemium webinar while on staycation with your frenemies?
  2. Cutesy nicknames for body parts. No one should ever refer to their toes as “tootsies” nor their breasts as “girls.”  (Sorry Stacy London).  Don’t even get us started on naming your genitalia!
  3. Multiple DVD editions of the same damn movie.  Take Twilight for instance; at last count, the editions available included the 3 disc deluxe edition, 2 disc deluxe edition, 2 disc special edition, 2 disc standard edition, 2 disc ultimate collector’s set, and the Borders exclusive special edition.  Ridiculous!
  4. Adults using little kid lingo.  No, you don’t have to go “potty,” you have to urinate.  And dear God, do not refer to your urethra as a “tinkle box.”  While we’re on the subject, is it that much harder to teach a kid to say “penis” than to say “dingle berry”?  Yuck.
  5. Open-faced sandwiches.  This is America, folks, and in this great nation, we use two pieces of bread to make a sandwich.  Sometimes three, if we’re stacking.  But no less than two.  Make a note.
  6. UGGs at any other time than winter.  Why are people in California wearing these extremely warm snow boots with bare legs?  Why are people in Minnesota wearing these marshmallow boots with pajama pants or shorts?  Walking contradictions!
  7. Teenagers.  Let’s not pretend we don’t hate them and their youth.
  8. Cancelling shows frivolously.  What is the point of pouring shit-tons of money into the development of new shows only to pull them after a few episodes, often when said episodes are preempted by sporting events and aired at weird hours so they never find an audience?
  9. Nacho Libre.  There is just no reason why a movie should be this bad.
  10. Overalls making a comeback. Let it go, Vogue.  It’s not going to happen.  Unless you conduct trains, work on a farm, or are a child, you should not be wearing overalls.