1. Prescription drug commercials – Finally, you can get back to your normal life…which apparently includes hiking with other old people, piloting a kayak, and prancing through fields of daisies?   
  2. Stores referring to themselves as “shoppes” – You’re a shop.  One “P.”  Stop being pretentious.
  3. Harem pants – Why?!  On whom could these odious pants possibly look flattering?  Who decided having the crotch of your pants hang down to your knees was a cute idea?
  4. Nicknames for menstruation – Are you surfing a crimson wave whilst your Aunt Flo stops by for a visit?  Ugh.
  5. Celebrities talking about their sex lives – Unnecessary!  We really don’t need to conjure up an image of Sting lasting for hours whenever we hear the Police.  Thanks a lot, man.
  6. Car alarms – What purpose do these obnoxious sirens serve?  No one hears an alarm and actually thinks a car is being stolen; they think “shut off your alarm, jackass!” 
  7. Saying “borrow” when you should say “loan” – Every time someone says “I’ll borrow it to you,” an elementary school English teacher’s soul dies. 
  8. SNL skits expanded into movies (with the notable exception of Wayne’s World) – It’s possible, just possible, that MacGruber will be amusing, but given the SNL oeuvre contains the atrocious Ladies Man and the unnecessary Night at the Roxbury and Superstar, we’re not holding our breath.
  9. The adjectives “edgy” and “quirky” – If a magazine, gift shop, or advertisement of any kind is using one of these words, you can be sure the product in question is not, in fact, remotely edgy or quirky. 
  10. Remakes of perfectly good movies – There was absolutely no reason to take the excellent romp Charade and turn it into the atrocity that was The Truth About Charlie.  Yes, this movie came out 8 years ago and yes, we’re still bitter about it.
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