1. American flag clothing – Because nothing screams patriotism like plastering the symbol of our nation’s freedom on your ass!
  2. Gross vehicular accoutrements – Seriously, why the plastic testicles hanging from your hitch?  What does that even mean?  And plastic fetuses protesting abortion?  Yuck.  A simple “choose life” sticker would have sufficed.
  3. Voice messages featuring children or pets – I’m sure you think this is really clever and shows what a fun-loving family you are.  You are sadly mistaken.  You just convinced us not to leave a message.
  4. “Baby on Board” signs – Is this supposed to make us take special care around your car?  Do you want a medal for transporting an infant?  Because this sign kind of makes us want to hit you.  Don’t worry: we’ll avoid the backseat.
  5. The way sitcom characters dress at home – Who sits around in a dress and tights to do their homework?  We realize actors want to look good, but it distracts us when homebodies are wearing shoes and going out clothes just to sit around their apartments.
  6. National Days/Months – As in National Iced Tea Month, which is occurring right now!  And we have National Catfish Month to look forward to in August!  Not to mention all the made up days that force people to buy cards or risk looking like thoughtless jerks, such as Grandparents Day, Secretaries Day, Boss Day, et al.
  7. Ribbons – Not a day goes by that we don’t see these obnoxious yellow magnets decorating every third car that drives by.  Isn’t it possible to Support Our Troops without plastering a declaration on your truck?
  8. Child leashes – Not only are these things stupid, they’re downright humiliating and more than a little dehumanizing.  Your child is not a dog.  Please don’t walk him on a leash.
  9. Sex toy parties – “Eew” doesn’t even begin to cover it.  Maybe we’re just stuffy, old fashioned prudes, but we think a person’s sex toy preferences should be kept to themselves (and their partners), not shared with a room full of randy women.
  10. Discontinuing perfectly good products – Some companies are such filthy teases, getting us hooked on white cheddar Cheetos, beach wave hairspray, and powder cappuccino, then taking it all away without warning.  Not cool.
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