Dear fellow concert goer,

It’s awesome that you love Tom Petty as much as we do and want to let him know. Your method of sharing this affection—whistling and screaming “Wooooo!” at the top of your lungs—may leave something to be desired, but hey, you’re excited. We get it. However, being young fogies, we can only take so much. In light of this, we offer a few suggestions to enhance everyone’s concert going enjoyment:

 If “Free Fallin’” gets you so excited you find yourself incapable of not groping your girlfriend’s ass, please get a room. Go to the bathroom, hole up in your car, at the very least sit down in your seats. Don’t make out in the aisle. It’s gross, and it’s a fire hazard.

 People can see you. When it’s a floor show, and everyone’s crammed together jumping around, you’re welcome to dance to your heart’s content. But when it’s assigned seating and you’re still on your feet hosting a one-woman hoedown, that’s just plain embarrassing.

 Watch the show with your eyes. Crazy concept, I know! Why spend several hours squinting at the show through the screen of your camera when you simply look up and see the concert right in front of you, live?

 Try to remember there are other people around you who would like to hear more than just the greatest hits. Funny how the jumping drunk girls who drown out “American Girl” with their caterwauling suddenly need to have conversations or run in and out of the building as soon as the band busts out “Drivin’ Down to Georgia.”

 For Franklin’s sake, please stop honking in the parking ramp. There’s a lineup. We’re all waiting to get out. Honking and yelling out of your window is not, amazingly, going to make traffic move any faster. Also, the concert is over. Stop wooooo-ing.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.

Advertisements