Archive for August, 2010

  1. Humming – Hear that nice song playing on the radio right now?  Yeah, we can’t hear it either.  Because you’re humming.  Off key.  Stop it.
  2. People who call into radio shows without thinking through what they’re going to say first — “Yeah, uh, hi.  I have a comment to make?  About the topic you’re discussing?  I, uh, think that, uh, it’s wrong?  You know?”
  3. Pinky rings, particularly on men – Unless you’re in the mafia or loosely connected to it as well as prodigiously talented like Frank Sinatra, this accessory is not for you.  Kindly remove it from your finger.
  4. Leaving Christmas decorations up all year long – Sure, you could argue that they’ll eventually be current again, but that’s no excuse for leaving your Christmas decorations up all summer long.  They’re not special and pretty in July, folks.
  5. Overly “helpful” sales associates – Saying hello and asking if we need any assistance is perfectly acceptable and pleasant.  Continuing to hound us after we’ve said no thanks is not.
  6. Cell phone use in the library – This one should be a no-brainer but sadly it’s not, because someone is loudly chatting away on their phone every time we enter the library.  Does the word “shhhhh” mean nothing to you?   
  7. The return of 90s style – It makes us feel horribly old to have the fashion of our youth come around again.  Mini backpacks and platform sneakers?  We’re old enough to know better now, and we refuse to give in.
  8. The cost of replacement parts – How is it that a replacement drum for a printer costs more than the printer itself?  You end up having to scrap the whole thing and buy a new one, which is downright wasteful.  They just don’t make ‘em like they used to.  (And yes, we’re aware this sentiment makes us sound like octogenarians.)
  9. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins splitting up – We are still upset about this.  Never getting married was supposed to preserve them from divorcing after decades of non-connubial bliss!
  10. Other people’s conversations – Is there anything more boring?  Dear lady behind T in line at the theatre: your friend must really adore you to listen to your excruciatingly detailed, fifteen minute anecdote about your trip to Target that afternoon.        
  1. Gnomes – How silently they sit there, observing us day in and day out.  How much they must know and yet how little they reveal.  Inscrutable.  Irresistible! 
  2. Cole Porter – Pretty sure he was a robot from the future.  How else do you explain the prolific output and ridiculously witty lyricism of this songwriter?  Robot for sure.
  3. Peanut butter – Quite possibly the most versatile and delicious spread ever created!  Peanut butter is the perfect accompaniment to English muffins, bagels, pancakes, bread, crackers, etc.  Mmmm.
  4. Air conditioning – How in Jefferson’s name did people exist in the summer before central air?
  5. Dean Winters – He was heartbreaking as Sarah Connor’s jilted fiancé on Terminator, and then he turned around and made us laugh through our cringes as Liz’s insufferable boyfriend Dennis on 30 Rock.  Now we get to see him every commercial break as Mayhem, dropping trees on cars.  Well done, sir.
  6. Mad Men – Yes, this show receives heaps of praise from critics, but you know what?  It deserves every word.  Sexy Joan!  That lovable scoundrel Don!  Crazypants worse-mother-ever Betty!  But someone needs to punch Pete Campbell in the face.    
  7. Rufus Sewell – This man should never be out of period clothing, the broody bastard!  There’s something just slightly off about his face.  We’ve never been able to put a finger on it, but it only makes him sexier.
  8. Joan Jett – The shag haircut!  The leather pants!  The snarl!  Oh yeah, and she’s a pretty good musician, too.
  9. “Background artists” – Thanks to Ricky Gervais’ brilliant show Extras, we have a newfound appreciation for those thankless actors who populate scenes and strive in vain for one speaking line.  When they’re doing their job well, we shouldn’t (and don’t) even notice them.
  10. Greek – By all rights, this show should be stupid and pretty redundant after years of frat boy films, but it someone manages to be sweet, funny and—gasp—intelligent.  T ♥ Cappie!  

Is That All There Is?

I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  Actually that’s not true.  I know what I want to do: I want to go to concerts, read as many books as possible, watch at least one movie every day, have dinner with friends…  You get the idea.  But as for what I want to “do with my life” in the career sense, I’m at a loss.  The best I can come up with is a governess for a mysterious, attractively broody gentleman who lives in a crumbling estate on the moors, but those positions are so hard to come by!  Also, I’m not crazy about kids.  Or living in time periods without air conditioning. 

So assuming that becoming Jane Eyre is not a viable career path, I’m left with few options that genuinely appeal to me.  Maybe the problem is that I expect my career to appeal to me.  Millions of people go to work everyday for the sole purpose of obtaining a paycheck, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  It’s just that when I try to peek ahead through the shadowy gauze veiling my future, the thought of spending several decades just getting by Monday-Friday so I can attend the occasional concert or go out with my friends on the weekend makes me want to throw up.  There’s got to be more to life than that, right?  And if there isn’t, then why did I spend gobs of money obtaining a degree and why oh why in Lincoln’s name am I even considering going back for an advanced degree?!  Would a Master’s guarantee me more interesting job options than I have now, or would I still be suffering from the same malaise only with the added burden of an even bigger student loan debt?   

I have a nauseating suspicion that this is it as far as the satisfaction of life goes, so I might as well start getting used to it.  At least until Mr. Rochester accepts my application.