Tag Archive: drunk girls

  1. Obscenely lengthy mid-season hiatuses – Is it really necessary to take a show off the air for months at a time in the middle of a season?  How does the studio expect us to remember what was happening or stay with the continuity of the show?  Be warned: if you make us find something else to watch, you might never get us back.
  2. Humidity – That bastard.  He knows what he did.
  3. Album injustices – Good band likes the Prissteens break up after one album, while crappy bands manage to stay together and produce way too many albums (“way too many” is classified as anything over one).  K says, “I’m looking at you, Jonas Brothers!”
  4. Lady at the co-op last week – This one goes out to the Pop Chips lady who attempted to return an open bag of the aforementioned snack to our local co-op because she didn’t like the flavor.  Her defense?  “You should’ve had samples out.”  In arguing that she felt “really bad about that” but still demanding—and receiving!— a return, she earned a place on this list.
  5. “Proud Parent” bumper stickers – When T earned one of these at school, her mother replied, “Why would I deface my car with that stupid thing?”  Her parents agreed that it was funny though and promptly stuck it on the back of her troublemaking brother’s mud truck to deter cops from pulling him over.
  6. Fanny packs – There’s really no excuse for these deeply unattractive things, unless you’re involved in some sort of outdoor exercise like biking, and even then there must be a less ugly alternative.  Out shopping and want your hands free?  Wear a cross-body or messenger bag.  Or stick your cash and ID in your pocket to avoid bags all together.  But for Franklin’s sake, do not strap on a fanny pack.
  7. Terms like “cougar” – Why is it that a sexually active older woman earns a derogatory, dehumanizing nickname like cougar, whereas an older man who’s sexually active is just called a man?
  8. Drunk girls –We know you think you look cute and funny and believe that everyone in the room thinks you’re hot, but in actuality, you are making an ass of yourself.  It’s painful to watch.  You don’t look cute; you look like an intoxicated idiot who is really going to regret groping a stranger in front of her future mother-in-law.
  9. Creepy older men hitting on impressionable young Pandas – Having someone find you attractive is always a compliment, regardless of the source.  That being said, it’s a thin line between flattering compliment and icky come-on that makes you want to take a shower.  Please stay on the proper side of that line, gentlemen. 
  10.  Homophobia – Not to get too serious on you, but in honor of Pride Month,  we send a big “that’s so stupid!” to ignorant homophobes who just can’t grasp that, to paraphrase Russell Brand, we’re all the same flavor underneath our different colored candy wrappers.

I Won’t Back Down

Dear fellow concert goer,

It’s awesome that you love Tom Petty as much as we do and want to let him know. Your method of sharing this affection—whistling and screaming “Wooooo!” at the top of your lungs—may leave something to be desired, but hey, you’re excited. We get it. However, being young fogies, we can only take so much. In light of this, we offer a few suggestions to enhance everyone’s concert going enjoyment:

 If “Free Fallin’” gets you so excited you find yourself incapable of not groping your girlfriend’s ass, please get a room. Go to the bathroom, hole up in your car, at the very least sit down in your seats. Don’t make out in the aisle. It’s gross, and it’s a fire hazard.

 People can see you. When it’s a floor show, and everyone’s crammed together jumping around, you’re welcome to dance to your heart’s content. But when it’s assigned seating and you’re still on your feet hosting a one-woman hoedown, that’s just plain embarrassing.

 Watch the show with your eyes. Crazy concept, I know! Why spend several hours squinting at the show through the screen of your camera when you simply look up and see the concert right in front of you, live?

 Try to remember there are other people around you who would like to hear more than just the greatest hits. Funny how the jumping drunk girls who drown out “American Girl” with their caterwauling suddenly need to have conversations or run in and out of the building as soon as the band busts out “Drivin’ Down to Georgia.”

 For Franklin’s sake, please stop honking in the parking ramp. There’s a lineup. We’re all waiting to get out. Honking and yelling out of your window is not, amazingly, going to make traffic move any faster. Also, the concert is over. Stop wooooo-ing.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank you.