Tag Archive: Russell Brand

  1. Obscenely lengthy mid-season hiatuses – Is it really necessary to take a show off the air for months at a time in the middle of a season?  How does the studio expect us to remember what was happening or stay with the continuity of the show?  Be warned: if you make us find something else to watch, you might never get us back.
  2. Humidity – That bastard.  He knows what he did.
  3. Album injustices – Good band likes the Prissteens break up after one album, while crappy bands manage to stay together and produce way too many albums (“way too many” is classified as anything over one).  K says, “I’m looking at you, Jonas Brothers!”
  4. Lady at the co-op last week – This one goes out to the Pop Chips lady who attempted to return an open bag of the aforementioned snack to our local co-op because she didn’t like the flavor.  Her defense?  “You should’ve had samples out.”  In arguing that she felt “really bad about that” but still demanding—and receiving!— a return, she earned a place on this list.
  5. “Proud Parent” bumper stickers – When T earned one of these at school, her mother replied, “Why would I deface my car with that stupid thing?”  Her parents agreed that it was funny though and promptly stuck it on the back of her troublemaking brother’s mud truck to deter cops from pulling him over.
  6. Fanny packs – There’s really no excuse for these deeply unattractive things, unless you’re involved in some sort of outdoor exercise like biking, and even then there must be a less ugly alternative.  Out shopping and want your hands free?  Wear a cross-body or messenger bag.  Or stick your cash and ID in your pocket to avoid bags all together.  But for Franklin’s sake, do not strap on a fanny pack.
  7. Terms like “cougar” – Why is it that a sexually active older woman earns a derogatory, dehumanizing nickname like cougar, whereas an older man who’s sexually active is just called a man?
  8. Drunk girls –We know you think you look cute and funny and believe that everyone in the room thinks you’re hot, but in actuality, you are making an ass of yourself.  It’s painful to watch.  You don’t look cute; you look like an intoxicated idiot who is really going to regret groping a stranger in front of her future mother-in-law.
  9. Creepy older men hitting on impressionable young Pandas – Having someone find you attractive is always a compliment, regardless of the source.  That being said, it’s a thin line between flattering compliment and icky come-on that makes you want to take a shower.  Please stay on the proper side of that line, gentlemen. 
  10.  Homophobia – Not to get too serious on you, but in honor of Pride Month,  we send a big “that’s so stupid!” to ignorant homophobes who just can’t grasp that, to paraphrase Russell Brand, we’re all the same flavor underneath our different colored candy wrappers.
  1. Thrift stores — Where else can you find a mint condition Willow folder that’s only a year younger than you are?  Or a weird old wall hanging that needs to come home with you?  As an added bonus, second hand stores help the cycle of reducing and reusing.  You really can’t go wrong.
  2. Board games – A time-honored tradition in our vicious girl gang.  We’re big fans of Taboo, Apples to Apples, Barbie Queen of the Prom and, if we’re feeling blood thirsty, Trivial Pursuit.  The Saved by the Bell game had to be banned after feuding led to too many hurt feelings (and limbs).
  3. True Blood – As mildly annoyed as we are with this vampire craze*, we can’t resist the smoldering Southern gentleman Bill, sexy-scary Viking Eric, and willful heroine Sookie (say it with us, “Suh-kee”).
  4. Fake bands – Whether it’s Maxwell Demon crooning in a sequined jumpsuit or Josie and the Pussycats wailing on about their Marshall stacks, we’re hooked on fictional bands.  Songs by The Wonders and Eddie and the Cruisers are better than most real bands can generate.
  5. Golden Girls – The misadventures, sexual conquests, and sassy banter of four single ladies living together.  Did we mention they’re all over 60?
  6. Megan Fox – Whether or not she’s a good actress is up for debate and she’s so attractive she might be an alien, but we do enjoy her.
  7. Daria – Best teenager ever?  Role model for us all?  Yes!  We’re so happy this glorious series is finally on DVD that we’re willing to forgive the licensing issues that removed all the wonderful 90s music. 
  8. Russell Brand – Someone possessed with this much charm, talent and rakish ability to wear a top hat couldn’t not be a rock star.
  9. K’s hair – “It’s not fair.  It takes her five minutes to style and she’s done.  It just hangs there, straight as a Michael Bolton concert.  Don’t even get me started on how cute her fringe looks with a ponytail.  You suck, K!” –Love, T
  10. Derek Zoolander – No matter how many years pass and male models come and go, you’ll always be our favorite.  Blue Steel is incomparable, and Magnum blew us away.  Thank you for being really, really, really ridiculously good looking.

* Note: It’s not that we’re opposed to vampires.  Quite the reverse, actually.  What annoys us is all the crap we had to take for years as diehard Buffy fans, only to have everyone jump on the undead bandwagon a decade later.